


Grace Fills Up Uneven Nature

by jesterlady



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Fantasy, Romance, Season/Series 04, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-24
Updated: 2011-10-23
Packaged: 2017-10-24 22:05:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/268380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A rewrite of BTVS S4, but this time, I'm really focusing on Willow/Oz and how to deal with the wolf problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All That the Spirit Knows

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own BTVS. Some lines are from the show. The title is by George Hebert. This chapter's title is by Clouds of Unknowing.

Oz was sure of two things in his life. One, that Willow was the most important thing in the world to him. Two, that the wolf was something that only affected him three nights a month.

Then he met Veruca.

There was something off about her and it had been a total loss to try and discover what it was. He thought it might have been because she was also a musician, but there was something almost Hellmouth-y about being around her. It was only when she was in the immediate vicinity that the connection seemed to occur. If he didn't see her then he didn't even think about her.

He probably should have known something else was going on, but since it didn't seem to be that big of a deal he didn't mention it to Willow, didn't even think about it himself.

Then he woke up naked in the woods. Definitely something he'd done before, but this time there was an edition.

He automatically fished clothes out of someone else's laundry and listened to her. Oz knew he wasn't good at processing things with other people's help. He was distracted by the thought of the damage he might have caused. But he couldn't keep her words out.

"Maybe. Or maybe you just don't wanna admit what happened to you. Maybe you just wanna pretend like you're a regular guy."

"Well, I am. I'm only a wolf three nights a month." That was one thing he did know.

"Or you're a wolf all the time and this human face is just your disguise. You ever think about that, Oz?" He couldn't. It was more than he could bear.

"I'm going. I gotta check the paper; see if we did any damage last night."

"Oh, we did. But only to each other. I know some part of you remembers that. It doesn't take a full moon. We could...do it again right here." He was repulsed by the thought. His attraction to her had nothing to do with her body even if he wasn't blind.

"We aren't going to. This ends. Right now."

"I can help you, Oz. You're scared. I was too. But then I accepted it. The animal, it's powerful, inside me all the time. Soon, you just start to feel sorry for everybody else because they don't know what it's like to be as alive as we are. As free."

Her words were enticing. He'd often wondered at the difference he could sense in himself and others, even Willow. But he knew too well how freedom could be harmful.

"Free to kill people? I won't do that. You shouldn't."

"You don't understand. But you will. You'll see that we belong together." He hoped he would never understand.

"No. I know where I belong."

 

***

He wasn't sure why he didn't tell Willow. Scratch that, he knew exactly why he didn't tell Willow. If she was worried about Veruca on a purely physical level, he knew her well enough to know that she would be completely freaked out to find out her rival was a werewolf and more connected to him than he'd like to admit.

And it would be nice to lose himself in her. But how could he explain the marks on his body or his sudden desire to let the animal out? The one he now suspected was never that far away.

 

***

 

Oz cursed his need to handle things on his own. He knew what Willow would say. It was what she'd said the last time he kept something wolfy to himself. But how could he involve her? He was seized with a desire to make Veruca understand, maybe because, if she did, then he wouldn't have to feel like there was truth in what she said. And if he told Buffy about that, then he wouldn't get his chance.

Maybe he'd just signed his own death sentence. But he watched Veruca slink her way toward him and felt the same desire well up inside him. It had nothing to do with her, nothing to do with him. It was all about the curse that hung over both of them and he had never hated it more.

"Come here."

"I'm not getting in that stupid cage with you, if that's what this is all about. We belong outside." He knew he only had one chance to get through to her. And maybe to save himself.

"You can't run loose tonight. And not just because you might hurt somebody. I know people that'll be out there. Hunting for us."

"So you're saying I should spend the whole night with you...alone...locked in a cage."

"You'll be safe." She moved closer and he had to swallow.

"Not from you. Isn't that the point of this cozy little arrangement? It's coming. Do you feel it? It's like blood boiling." He tried to deny it. Maybe he normally suppressed it, but tonight his entire body felt like it was on fire.

"I feel it." He gritted the words out, knowing they spelt failure for his just being normal.

"I've wanted you even before I ever saw you. I sensed you. Did you sense me?" Oh, he'd sensed her. He just hadn't understood why. Hadn't wanted to.

"Come in here."

"Did you?" she persisted, moving ever closer and he could feel the call rising from her own blood and his racing pulse answering.

"I did," he said and pulled her inside the cage, feeling his entire body explode and then there was nothing.

***

It was not how Willow had wanted Oz to find out about being a wolf. Not how she wanted him to research his roots. She blamed Veruca entirely. She blamed herself. She didn't even want to think about Oz. She wanted to hurt someone. She wanted everyone else to feel the pain. Would it always be this way? Everyone she loved would want someone else? She would never be pretty or popular or magnetic enough to be better?

It would not be till later that she would be aware enough to know how grateful she was that she loved Oz with every fiber of her being. Loved him enough not to curse him. She would curse Veruca in a heartbeat - which slightly scared her, but more gave her a feeling of immense well being and satisfaction.

She didn't feel that way as she watched Veruca advancing towards her.

***

Oz stepped into the room.

"Don't touch her again." Veruca turned to face him and the desire was evident over her face.

"Come stop me. I like it rough, remember?"

"No," he said bluntly. "You wanna hurt me, hurt me. You leave her out of this."

"How can I? She's the reason you're living in cages. She's blinding you. When she's gone, you'll be able to admit what you are."

"You don't wanna find out what I am." Oz didn't know himself, but he knew it had to be something awful to feel this amount of rage.

"You're an animal. Animals kill." Their bodies began to change and for one clear moment, he felt at one with his wolf. They looked toward the cowering redhead in the corner and felt protective, then they looked at the blonde and the bloodlust rose over him.

"You're right. We kill."

 

***

Willow felt the tears overwhelm her as Buffy put Oz down and slipped her arms around her.

***

Willow entered the room thoughtfully. She'd been doing a lot of thinking over the past little while. She'd stayed away from Oz and thought about his words - how he said that the only thing he felt was something to do with his wolf. She thought about how she knew the temptation to give in to something you wanted, even if you knew it was wrong. She thought about her own rage as she'd tried to curse the one person she truly loved. She thought she could understand why he'd done what he'd done. But she had no idea what he'd been thinking.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going."

"Now?"

"Mm-hmm."

"That's your solution?"

"That's my decision."

"Don't I get any say in this?"

"No. Veruca was right about something. The wolf is inside me all the time and I don't know where that line is anymore between me and it. And until I figure out what that means, I shouldn't be around you...or anybody." The tears began to well. So did the rage.

"Well, that could be a problem 'cause people...kind of a planetary epidemic."

"I'll find someplace."

"Well, how long?"

"I don't know."

"Oz, you can't do this. I can help you. I forgive you. We can help you figure out the wolf thing. Giles has many books. I bet he hasn't even read them all. I won't let you leave."

"You can't stop me, Will. I have to do this."

"No, you don't. You're just running away. Buffy tried that, it's not a solution. You have to face this right where the problem starts. We won't let you hurt anyone and we love you. I love you and I'm not going to give you up that easily."

"If I thought it was so easy- You have no idea the kind of things that run in my head now. The instincts and cravings. I don't want to hurt you."

"Oz...don't you love me?"

"My whole life," he said, pressing his lips to her forehead and then leaning against her in a silent, desperate goodbye, "I've never loved anything else." He grabbed his bag and almost ran out the door.

"Oz." Willow crumpled to the floor.

***

Oz opened the door to his van and tried to drive away. But it was like he was stuck. He couldn't leave her. He knew he had to, he knew it was selfish to want to keep her. But he also had the feeling in the back of his head that it was selfish to try and be noble when she had the right to what she wanted as well.

He was being hasty. He wanted to be because when he stayed and he thought, he overdid everything. He didn't want to make that mistake. Now,  
he had the feeling he was making a different one.

Veruca was driving him away and she was dead. Her words resounded through his entire body and he felt the wolf howl in delight at finally being allowed to roam free. How could he think he could figure this out on his own? Oz was in over his head.

He climbed out of the van and went back to his room. Willow met him at the door, sobbing, but determined.

"I can't do it," he gasped out, reaching for her. She clung to him.

"I won't let you."

"I have to figure this out," he said, kissing her again and again.

"I'll help. I'll research, I'll do spells."

"I'm so confused right now," he said. "I need to leave."

"No!" she said fiercely.

"I will come back," he assured her. "I just need a few days to cool down."

"You're always cool."

"Not inside. You know that. Now, not outside either. Just give me a few days, Will. I'll call you. I will come back."

Oz had never been more sure of anything in his life. He needed Willow no matter what he was dealing with.


	2. No Panic Terror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by Kenneth Graham

Spike was only passing through Sunnydale. He willingly labeled himself glutton for punishment, but he figured he could take one more stab at the Slayer before heading off to find Dru again. He knew he'd have a better chance at reconciling with her if Buffy was dead. What he hadn't counted on was the presence of a government operation that came equipped with long distance weaponry.

He struggled against the bonds, but a few more taser blasts convinced him to play dead. Of course, he played dead with his eyes open, but he hoped that only helped with the image. What it actually helped with was his ability to observe the enormous facility he was brought to and to memorize the route out.

They stopped for a few minutes and a bunch of people in white coats surrounded him, poking, prodding. He felt quite violated.

"I think we've found an excellent specimen to try the new behavior modification software on," a female voice said from somewhere behind his head.

Spike didn't like the sound of that. It was all Buffy's fault he was in here. His immediate desire was to leave and make her pay for that fact. He waited until he was accompanied by only a few of the scientist types before making his move. It wasn't hard. He had had time to recover from the taser blasts and the scientists were on the floor before they knew it.

He ignored the many calls from occupants in the long row of cells and made his way toward the exit. He was almost out when the alarm sounded and he let a grin slide across his face. With any luck some soldiers would try for him on the way out. With or without them - he was headed to find the Slayer.

***

"Why did he have to leave?" Willow whined. Buffy listened with patience, but one would think Oz had left forever with the way Willow was talking. Buffy had been all on Willow's side during the werewolf fiasco of the past few days, but when Willow and Oz had reconciled, she figured that Willow's despair would soon give way to glee and allow the best friend time to fulfill her sacred duty. That hadn't happened.

"You said yourself he needs to figure out this wolf thing, Will. He'll come back and we'll make with the research. He called you yesterday. He's coming home soon."

"But we could always talk. For hours. He just said he was coming. He said he couldn't put me in danger. Danger, schmanger. I've been in that since I was born, living in Sunnydale."

"Oz is going through something right now," Buffy said, trying to soothe. "I remember first being called, it was important to figure out what it all meant. But he's Oz, devoted to you and always will be."

"Can't you stay here and say lots more stuff like that?" Willow asked hopefully. Buffy shook her head.

"I'm on patrol, but I'm coming back early and we're going to that party. Big fun for Buffy and Willow."

"I'll wait here," Willow said sullenly.

Buffy smiled with what she hoped was sympathy and left. She was prepared to be the best best friend in the history of the world, but Slayer strength didn't help her bear moping better than anyone else.

 

***

Oz didn't believe he was perfect. He did believe that he tried his best to be a good person. Now he believed that he wasn't even a person. Obviously trying to be a good one would not work. Therefore, he needed to be a good werewolf. How he was supposed to do that, he did not know. But he couldn't do it on his own.

He knew he would be getting Willow's input, if she still even wanted to speak to him, and to ask for Giles' and Buffy's help. But before he could do that, he needed to process, to calm down. And it wasn't easy.

He was trying to reconcile his desire to do good with the fact that he'd just killed. He'd made the decision, as a wolf and as a man, but now that needed to fit into his moral beliefs. Or would he have to redefine those beliefs? Or by redefining them, did that make them less moral? The thoughts overwhelmed him.

So he sat on a motel bed in a run down place outside of Sunnydale and pondered his future.

He'd talked to Willow the night before and told her he was coming home. He meant it, but now that he'd had time to think about everything that had happened, he found that he was afraid to face her. The shame at what he had and had almost done and could still do was hovering over him. And the fear, the fear of the unknown and what could happen. Would he hurt her? Would he hurt others? What if he couldn't control himself? The questions were too many.

He stood up and walked the length of the room.

"Running doesn't help," he finally said.

He would go back to Sunnydale and whatever questions he had, he would seek help in finding the answers. Didn't mean it would be easy.

 

***

Willow hoped Buffy would come back soon. She was started to sound horrible even to herself. She was still rational enough to realize that was the low point. She didn’t even bother to lock the door, wanting Buffy to come back that much sooner. The three seconds it would take to use the key could likely be fatal in her emotional development.

“Come in,” she said.

“Well, hello there, luv.”

“Spike!” Willow’s foggy brain finally clicked on and she scooted back against her headboard in alarm.

“Isn’t this nice?” he asked, moving closer in a predator’s stance. Willow’s heart started to race and visions of broken bottles danced in her head.

“Um, not really,” she managed to squeak out.

“What? Not pleased to see me? And you and I always got on so well, Red. Well, I guess you’ll make a nice present for the Slayer.”

“Sure, he doesn’t want to put me in danger, but then guess who just walks in,” Willow muttered to herself. “Boy is his face going to be red when he finds my mutilated corpse.”

“I never mutilate, pet,” Spike assured her. “I could turn you. Make you like me. Stay young and nubile forever? That’d put the Slayer’s knickers in a twist.”

“Uh, I prefer non-vampy Willow. She’s a skank.”

“Okay…” Spike answered, obviously not understanding. He was standing over her now. “Then, we’ll do it my way.”

“I’ll scream!” she warned. A careless smile flashed across his face.

“Bonus.”

The radio flipped on and loud music crashed into the room as Willow struggled for her life and felt her life’s blood being taken.

The lights went out and Spike raised his head, blood staining his face. He was a messy eater apparently.

“What the?”

Willow whimpered beneath him, raising a hand to clutch at her neck. She felt slightly woozy, but immediately kicked him, squirming out from under and racing towards the door.

“I like it when they run,” Spike said, following.

Outside in the hall, it was pitch dark, but that wouldn't bother him. Willow crawled her way down the hall, with other frenzied people tripping over her, hoping he'd lose her in the confusion, no matter how well he could see. He stopped short when he noticed the Slayer running towards him and several of the soldiers entering from the opposite direction. He growled, sounding frustrated.

“What is the bleeding matter with this town? Why do all the white hats come to the bloody mouth of hell?”

He dove through the window and vanished into the night.

Willow rested her head against the wall of the hallway and when the lights flickered on, that’s where Buffy found her.

***

A knock sounded on the door and Willow flinched. Did Spike think she was that stupid? She’d already done the spell to revoke his invite to the dorm room. She felt drained despite the blood transfusion she’d received the night before.

Buffy went to answer the door with a reassuring smile at the miserable redhead.

“Relax, Will.” She opened the door to find Oz, newly returned.

“Hi.”

“Hi, Oz. Come in.” Buffy turned to Willow. “I’m just out to patrol. You two going to be okay here?”

“We’ll be fine,” Willow answered. “Be careful. Kill Spike.”

“Oh, I’m on it.” Buffy shut the door behind her and Oz took some cautious steps toward Willow’s side of the room.

“What happened?”

“Oh, Spike wanted to make me his new, undead bride.”

“Really?”

“Even you doubt it and you love me,” she pouted. “Xander laughed when I told him that. But it’s true; he said he would turn me. I guess that doesn’t mean anything, but it wasn’t like I was in the best state of mind to combat anybody’s thoughts on the subject.”

“Your plate’s been kinda full these days,” Oz concurred.

“With huge, wolfy thoughts. I’m worried about you.”

“I know.” He moved to sit on her bed. “And I worry about you. I just, don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t want to put you through anything else.”

“Well, then we’ll work on it together.” Willow rolled her eyes. “Doesn’t anyone around here think I’m capable of hard work? I am the researcher after all.”

“You do it well. I’m just saying you don’t have to put up with me.”

“Well, too bad. I want to.”

“You’re my favorite,” he said slowly.

“Favorite what?”

“Everything.”

He moved closer and kissed her sweetly. She responded and it was a few minutes before she broke it off.

“You know, it’s not like I’m not in danger all the time anyway. My torn up neck testifies to that big time. I could have been all vampy when you got back and you never would’ve gotten a chance cause you were all scared about hurting me yourself. There’s enough evil on this Hellmouth to do that for you, mister.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I don’t think I’ll be leaving your side too often anymore.”

“Well, that will be hard,” Willow said, smiling for the first time in days, “but I will endure as best I can.”

“My Will gives so much,” he replied, moving closer for another kiss.


	3. Neither Corn Nor Carnival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by Charles Williams

Watching Xander dig brought up two things. One, Anya began to expand her fantasy life and utilize her imagination. Two, Buffy began to pine for a good, old fashioned Thanksgiving dinner. Willow was too preoccupied with Oz to think about it much, but she promised Buffy they would come. Giles was roped into hosting and it all seemed like it would be perfect. Of course, it was the Hellmouth and a nasty murder coupled with Xander’s syphilis were the first indicators that something was the matter.

Buffy was out shopping for yams. It was a brutal mission and she’d had to use all her Slayer resources in order to accomplish it.

It was late and she was walking home with bags full of groceries. She was starting to feel unusual the past few days, like she was being watched. It was a creepy feeling and yet, not one that scared her. It was like something she would’ve welcomed. She pushed it to the back of her mind. After all, she had a dinner to cook.

A flash of white caught the corner of her eye and she sighed in frustration. It wasn’t like Slayers got holidays off, but she’d think the forces of evil would avoid more special days than just Halloween.

“Spike, I know it’s you. Let’s just get this over with because I don’t trust Anya to put the brandy in on time.”

She could hear sounds of a fight and rounded a tombstone to see Angel and Spike simultaneously fighting each other and what looked like an authentic Native American. She wondered if she’d stepped into another dimension as Spike smashed his elbow in Angel’s face and then grabbed the Indian’s arm as it was about to do the same and twisted it behind the Indian’s back.

Why was there an Indian and why was there Angel? Those were the two questions Buffy wanted answered and so threw herself into the fight with abandon.

“I’d like an explanation,” she grunted out, taking a blow to the stomach from Spike.

“For him, nothing pretty.”

“Shut up, Spike. Angel?”

“You weren’t supposed to see me, Buffy,” Angel said, twisting under the Indian’s knife and keeping it from hitting Spike.

“Not what I was looking for.” Buffy ducked to avoid a blow and discovered Spike had blocked it for her. That was strange enough to render her almost action-less.

He smirked at her and kicked Angel in the ribs.

“What’s with Tonto here?”

“Chumash Indians. They’ve been stirred up by the excavation.”

“And why Spike?”

“I’m bored,” the object of discussion put in. “Thought I’d find me some fun.” The Chumash brought his knife toward Buffy’s heart. Spike leapt in front of it and the knife grazed harmlessly aside. The Chumash shimmered and turned into a bird and Spike’s heroics allowed Angel to hit him over the head. Buffy pulled out a stake and held it to his heart. “Wait,” he muttered, “I’ve got information.”

“I’ve heard that before. After what you did to Willow?”

“Bird’s fine. Those soldier boys. I know all about them.” Buffy hesitated. “I’ve been in their lair. They’re on the campus.”

“Fine, but you’re coming with me.”

“Make it rough, Slayer,” he growled playfully.

She made a face at him, but pulled him along behind her with Angel’s help back to Giles’ house whereupon she tied him up and decided a gag would be necessary.

Then she went to have a private talk with Angel. She wasn’t exactly pleased to see him and he didn’t know it yet, but he was on the first midnight flight back to LA.

***

Willow almost toppled over as she moved the next stack of books. Oz’s room had become a library in the short time that he’d been back. It was rivaled only by her own dorm room where she could swear she tried to keep the books from getting on Buffy’s side.

“Four days, Will,” Oz reminded her. “Could you take a break?”

“No, no. There’s so much here. I just need to get through it. Before anything else happens.”

“What do you think is going to happen?”

“It is the place of evil we live on,” Willow muttered. “I’m sure something…”

“Wolfy?” he suggested mildly.

She turned to face him, the books forgotten.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you’re just waiting for me to go off again and you’re trying to fix it before it can happen. I get it. I’m waiting too. But I gotta not freak out over it.”

“So, I’m freaking? Well, yes, I am. But, it’s not like I don’t have reason.”

“Probably every reason in the world. I just don’t want you to give up your life for this research.”

“I’m not-“ The phone rang, interrupting her. Willow reached over to answer it. “Buffy? Hi. No. No, I can’t talk. I’m sorry. Oh, dinner. Um, maybe later. I’ll try. Bye.” She turned back to Oz. “What’s with the life-giving up crazy talk?”

He pointed to the phone.

“You don’t think that slightly resembled life -giving up?”

“I can’t help that our needs are more important than Buffy’s.”

“They’re important, I agree. I just feel like the wolf’s only half the problem. We gotta deal with us issues and still have time to be the sidekicks in the saving the world gig.”

“Fine, you’re right,” Willow acquiesced. “But I just want to finish this Compendium. Please?”

He smiled at the look on her face.

“Fine, but come here.”

She curled up against him tentatively. She was a bit unsure of herself these days where he was concerned. She could admit to herself it was part of the reason for her book rampage. She didn’t want to approach him first anymore. She wanted him to make every first move.

“I can read here,” she said, opening the book up.

He read over her shoulder, softly stroking her hair.

***

He thought he could tell what was going on in her head. He wished he could make the thoughts and fears go away. But he knew it was his fault. Every decision he’d made had led them here and all he could do was make sure that things didn’t escalate.

He’d been leaning heavily on research as well the last couple of days. He hadn’t seen Devon in that time, had shown up for three out of five classes and done zero homework. He might have seen Buffy twice, but Willow had almost literally spent the last four days in his room, reading. That didn’t make him as happy as having her there normally did.

“Hey, Will?”

“Yeah?” she asked, only half listening.

“I love you.”

She twisted around to face him.

“Really?” She’d obviously been having trouble believing it lately.

“Really. Forever.”

“I love you too.”

“We’ll figure this out. Together.”

Willow softly pressed her lips to his and turned back to her book. Oz picked up where he’d left off in the one he’d been reading before, still playing with her hair.

He felt a little bit better.

 

***

 

Spike ducked another arrow.

“Oi, watch the heart!”

“Stop whining.” Buffy slowly made her way to his chair and tugged on the leg, making him fall over with a yell. Buffy didn’t know why she had made sure he wouldn’t be dusted, but letting him bang his head on the floor was a bonus.

“I do believe some back up is necessary,” Giles said unnecessarily.

“Well, I’m not untying him,” Buffy said, pointing her thumb back at the struggling Spike.

“I’m no fan of Angel’s, but it might have been nice…”

“Giles, I’m more concerned about the cranberry sauce.”

“Perhaps you could try calling Willow and Xander again?”

“Xander’s on his way, with syphilis. And Willow, no answer.”

“Splendid Thanksgiving, don’t you think?”

“Whinge, whinge, Watcher,” Spike put in.

Buffy heard the snapping as he broke through his ropes and flung herself at him, pinning him to the floor behind the couch.

“Didn’t know you wanted it that bad, Slayer,” he said and smirked from beneath her.

Buffy ignored him and searched for something to keep him occupied. Giles’ weapon chest was at hand and she rummaged through it with one hand as she held him down with the other. If there hadn’t been flying death all around them, she doubted he would have stayed still. She managed to find some manacles that would take him longer to break out of.

“Stay down,” she warned him.

“Cause I was planning on picking out my ashtray,” he said sarcastically.

Buffy crawled towards Giles, having grabbed a crossbow.

“I’d like to start fighting back now,” she explained.

She shot a few of the Indians, but they didn’t seem to mind it too much. Sounds of a scuffle from outside seemed to indicate that even a syphilis-infected Xander was going to put up a fight.

The arrows stopped flying and the warriors descended into Giles’ flat. One of them she recognized from the cemetery. They fought for awhile, but he didn’t seem to be fully on her physical plane or something like that. Something that kept her from killing him.

Swiping his knife seemed to help. Then it seemed not to.

“A bear. You made a bear!”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Undo it! Undo it!” Spike cried from his position on the floor.

Another slash with the knife and the bear changed back into the warrior who dissipated into dust. Buffy turned to Giles and saw his opponent disappear as well, though not before conking Giles on the head.

A normal day then. Despite it’s being Thanksgiving. But there was one thing that was not normal and that was the fact that not all of the Scoobies had made it to the fight. Buffy was irked. After making sure Giles wouldn’t bleed to death, Spike wouldn’t escape and that the rapidly recovering Xander was ensconced on the couch with a nursing Anya, Buffy gave in to her heart’s desire and rushed to the kitchen.

It took a long time to clean up the mess. There was broken glass and broken furniture and burnt potatoes. Buffy was only mollified because her gravy seemed to turn out almost as well as her mom’s.

They’d just managed to salvage all the food when Willow and Oz strolled in.

“What happened?”

“Usual thing whenever I try to do something nice. Hellmouth-y goodness. Thanks for the timely arrival.”

“Buffy, I’m so sorry. Are you guys okay?”

Oz took a look around the room.

“You cleaned up nicely.”

“We’re fine. Xander is no longer planning on dying and Giles has his usual bump. Plus, I captured Spike.”

“Slightly off on the details there, pet.” Spike had been relocated to a chair with several sets of chains. Buffy wasn’t taking anymore chances.

“Why’s he not dusty?”

“Information. I have it. Care to come get it, Red?” Spike leered at her and Oz took a step forward.

“Um, no, no thanks. So, can I help with dinner?”

“We’re all done,” Anya announced. “I helped.”

“Buffy, I’m sorry. I was just all caught up.”

“I can see that,” Buffy said, pointing to the mussed hair and Oz’s shirt on inside out. “But don’t sweat it. I wanted Thanksgiving, we’re all here, all alive, so let’s enjoy it.”

“Excellent plan says the recovering, starving man.” Xander stood up from the couch.

They gathered around the table and Buffy served her first Thanksgiving dinner.


	4. Abandon Their Own Repose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by John Calvin

“I give up.”

It was possibly the first time Willow had ever said that, but she was convinced that it was true. She couldn’t find a single thing that would help her and Oz with his problems. She’d looked before, but never with such fervor, and still nothing.

“Don’t be all down.” Buffy looked over from her homework.

It amazed Willow that Buffy was getting more homework done than she was. That and spending all her time at Giles’ questioning Spike. It irked her that Buffy wasn’t helping her research more. But then again, Buffy didn’t really do research unless it involved one of her own lovers and an unexpected trip back from hell.

“I’m sorry, but this Oz thing is really hard. A boyfriend with evil tendencies is something I hope you can understand.”

“I really do.” Buffy hopped up and plopped down on Willow’s bed. “But, Will, this isn’t something that can just go away. You can’t get consumed by this or you won’t be able to live your life. I love Oz, I do, but he’s not worth all that.”

“How can you say that? If it was Angel…well, if it was him we wouldn’t even be allowed to have this conversation.” Willow slammed her book and left the room. She could feel Buffy’s stare following her, but she didn’t care.

Willow slowed down once she’d left the dorm. She had been heading for Oz’s, but now she wasn’t sure she wanted to go there. After all, wasn’t he part of the problem? He was the problem. And as much as she loved him and wanted to fix this, she was still leery of the part of the problem that didn’t involve the supernatural.

She wandered the campus for awhile and ended up at the library. It was late before she got back to the dorms. And she couldn’t sleep. All afternoon she’d been trying to solve her problems, but even her fuzzy pajamas weren’t helping. She guessed they probably never did, but she wanted to believe there was some benefit to positive thinking.

But now there was only one course left open to her. She’d wanted to try this particular spell for some time and thought now was the perfect opportunity. If a spell to make her will be done wasn’t going to fix Oz than she wasn’t sure anything could.

She was careful not to wake Buffy. The Slayer had only just returned from patrolling and usually fell right to sleep, but she needed to be careful. Buffy was less than zealous about witchcraft, something else Willow was annoyed about. It reminded her of her mother and a certain almost witch burning at stake situation.

She lit the candles and prepared herself.

 

***

Oz wasn’t quite sure what had come over Willow. She’d been so gloomy since his recent wolf out, but she seemed almost perky. He liked it, but he distrusted it at the same time.

“So, what’s going on?” He’d answered her knock and been almost pushed over in her eagerness to get inside.

“Sit down, sit down.”

“I’m sitting.”

They sat down on his bed and she took his hands.

“I’ve been thinking a lot and trying to work on the whole wolf thing.”

“I appreciate that.”

“And nothing seems to work. So, I will that it be solved. I will that you don’t want other wolves. I will that the Hellmouth doesn’t destroy our love.” She beamed.

Oz looked at her, slightly confused.

“I’m getting a vibe that something’s supposed to be fixed, but I don’t get it.”

Willow’s smile disappeared.

“So, you still want to be with her.”

“If I wanted to be with her I wouldn’t have killed her, Willow.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. You want to be all wolfy and kill and stuff.”

“No, but I’m still a wolf. And that doesn’t change just because you want it to.”

“Why not?”

“You can’t just make something like that happen. You know that. What were you trying to do? Magic?” Willow jumped up and started to pace away from him.

“Oz, I’m just trying to help. Nobody else is and I’m so mad. I mean, Buffy tells me to stop and says she’s sorry, but she just spends her time with Spike. He’s more important than me. Fine, well, why doesn’t she just marry him?”

Oz wished he could see her face. She was acting much more nervous than normal and that scared him. They’d come far since Veruca had entered their lives, but apparently, not far enough.

“Don’t do that. If you’re mad at me or don’t want to do this, I can still go and try to figure it out on my own. I won’t drag you down.”

“No,” Willow said fiercely, “no, we’re going to do this. I guess I’m just not powerful enough. I just need more time. Everyone keeps asking me for things and I can’t be everywhere. Anya wants to have her orgasms with Xander, well, let her. All day, every day. Then I can get something done. Oh, and obviously Giles has nothing better to do than ask me for help, so he needs to get a job and one that takes up all his time. Then you and I can focus on us.”

Oz wasn’t sure, but he wondered if he saw something in Willow’s eyes during her speech which hadn’t made him feel any better.

***

Giles was feeling quite happy with himself. He could admit he’d been in a slump lately. The loss of both his jobs was something of a downer. But he definitely felt more industrious now. He’d been sending out resumes all morning, managing to use the computer with a dexterity he felt Jenny would have been proud of.

The response had been tremendous and he’d gotten several interviews. He was off to go to the first one and was messing with his tie when he suddenly remembered Spike. The vampire had been banned to the bathroom where his snarky comments and constant leering weren’t as much of a problem. There was also more available to keep him confined. Giles had been reduced to showering at his neighbor’s. It was also a relief because the obnoxious blonde had been nattering on all morning, asking when Buffy was going to come over and whining about how he needed to tell her something.

“Bother, bother,” Giles muttered.

He rushed to the phone to see if anyone could possibly come and watch Spike so he could leave. But as he was dialing, Buffy came through the door.

“Is Spike here?” she asked.

Giles narrowed his eyes.

“Of course he’s here. I wouldn’t just let him go. But I’m so glad you’re here. Can I ask you to watch him for me? I-I have something I have to do.”

“Oh, oh good. Yes, um, you go. Spike is safe in my hands.”

Giles momentarily wondered why Buffy looked so dazed, but then remembered he’d forgotten to get at least two copies of his resume.

“Bollocks,” was his parting word and he left, almost running out the door.

***

Buffy didn’t mind that Giles had gone. For some reason she couldn’t fathom she needed to see Spike. She’d been trying to rationalize it all morning and finally gave up.

She went into the bathroom.

“Slayer!”

“Hi, Spike. How are you?”

“Never mind all that. Come here.”

Buffy didn’t know why she sat down. She highly resented his tone.

“Spike, what is it? Please tell me.”

“I have to ask you something important. It’s taken you forever to get here.”

“I came as soon as I could. I had to see you.”

“Buffy…” Spike swallowed “…will you marry me?”

“Oh, Spike. I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes and make me the happiest man in the world.”

“Oh, Spike. Of course it’s yes.”

She leaned forward and so did he but he was stopped by his chains.

“Do you mind, luv?”

“Of course.”

She got the key and released him and then practically threw herself on him as he de-chained himself. He toppled back in the tub, but she didn’t think he minded. His lips and hands were enthusiastic anyway.

“Here,” he said, rummaging in his pockets as they lay in the tub together. “I, uh, got, uh, this!” He produced a skull and bones ring.

Buffy could feel her face softening as she looked at it.

“Spike, it’s beautiful.”

He slid the ring on her finger. Buffy watched him and felt the full meaning of what her life was supposed to be. She was the Slayer and she was in love with a vampire. They were going to be married and unlive happily ever after. So long as they didn’t kill each other first.

***

Willow straightened up. She’d been looking at the spell she’d done and trying to figure out why it hadn’t worked. Oz had seen her and guessed at what she was doing from her behavior that morning. The scene that had then occurred was not a happy one. He’d gone off to band practice and she’d returned to her spell. Looking at the clock, she sighed. It was almost six and Buffy was usually home. It made her worried and since she was already upset, her state of mind was not good.

The phone rang and she got up to answer.

“Hello?”

“Willow! I’ve got something wonderful to tell you!”

“Buffy, why aren’t you home? Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m wonderful. After all, who cares what the names are on the invitation? The important thing is we’ll be together.”

“Uh, I’m not following you.”

“Didn’t I say? Oh, Will, I’m so happy. Spike asked me to marry him!”

“Spike asked you to what!” Why was this ringing a bell in her head?

“We’re getting married. You’ll be my maid of honor, right?”

“Um-“

“Great! Okay, I gotta go. I’ve been trying to call Xander and all his mom will say is that she doesn’t want to go into the basement since Anya came over. But I've got to tell him!”

“Buffy-“ Willow began, but she was talking to no one. She quickly dialed.

“Yeah?”

“Oz, you were right. Something bad has happened. I don’t know what, maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with me, but Spike and Buffy are getting married, so…”

“I’ll be right there.”

If nothing else, Oz was always steady.

***

Giles wasn’t quite sure how it had happened, but the interview process seemed to go smoother than silk. He’d been hired after fifteen minutes and on the payroll in the next thirty. He’d signed contracts, been shown his office and introduced to everyone in the building. He’d think something abnormal was going on, but surely not in an office building. They were just too…normal for even the Hellmouth to invade.

He’d acquired a company cell phone and beeper and was trying to use them amidst much swearing, but his secretary seemed to have a handle on those things.

The best part about his job was that he felt useful. Everyone seemed to need him and whether he knew what he was doing or not, his large intellect seemed to make up for all that. He’d already received several business cards that he was quite sure hadn’t been given to him for professional reasons. More than that, his sense of self-fulfillment was at an all time high.

He didn’t get home until after midnight. He found Spike and Buffy making out on his couch.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Spike purred in Buffy’s ear. “I’ll never mention it again.”

“Good,” Buffy murmured. “Me either. Our past doesn’t matter.”

“We got a bright future as soon as you stop being the Slayer.”

“What! Not going to happen. It’s like my destiny. You don’t stop destiny.”

“Nor do you stop death. Which is me, luv.”

“I know. It’s wonderful.”

“So are you. I love your kicking ass.”

“Especially yours.” Buffy melted back into him for another searing kiss.

But at that point Giles regained his voice.

“What the bloody hell is going on?”

“Ignore him,” Spike said. “He’ll go away.”

“This is my home and why aren’t you chained up?”

“Why do you have a briefcase?” Buffy inquired.

“Do you like it?” Giles held it up eagerly and then remembered himself. “Never mind. Why is he out and why is there so much…smacking?”

“We’re getting married!” Buffy held out her hand and Giles recoiled from the skull and crossbones.

“How, why, how?”

“We’re in love, Giles. Why are you all dressed up?”

“You’re looking at the new executive advisor for the Sunnydale Gazette.”

Spike burst out laughing.

“Finally got some purpose in life, eh, Watcher? Oh, sorry, Executive Advisor.”

“Yes, I have, thank you very much. I’m going to bed. I have to be at the office early tomorrow. Buffy, can you handle him?”

“I hope so.” Spike curled his tongue over his teeth.

“Honey, stop that.” Buffy turned to Giles. “Of course I can. Spike is not leaving my side.”

“Never,” Spike assured her, wrapping his arms around from behind. Giles shook his head and headed up the stairs.

“Buffy,” he shouted from the top, “did you see my new beepy thing?”

***

Willow had been trying to get a hold of Xander, but there was no answer. She finally decided to brave going over there. Oz was with her, but it wouldn’t have mattered who was with her. The sight of Xander and Anya…together, was more than she wanted to see. Unfortunately, it also confirmed her and Oz’s hypothesis about what was going on.

“Um, I’ll need one of Giles’ books,” she said to Oz as they averted their eyes and Xander and Anya scrambled for their clothes.

“We’ll take them over there. Unless we should just leave them?”

“I kinda want to,” Willow said, eying them as they attempted to dress each other and ended up taking more clothing off. “But something might happen.”

“What’s going on, Will?” Xander asked as he nuzzled Anya’s neck.

“Um, spells. Um, hands please.”

“No fair,” Anya pouted.

She did take her hands out of Xander’s pants.

It was like that all the way over to Giles. It was after midnight but Giles was on the phone shouting something about last minute deadlines and simultaneously trying to show anyone who would look his new business cards. Spike and Buffy were visibly restraining themselves from hitting each other and not restraining themselves at all from long, wet kissing of each other. It shocked Xander enough that he stopped fondling Anya. But pretty soon, he was back at it again. Willow thought she was going to be sick.

“Enough!” she yelled. “No groping, business dealing, showing of toys, punching or anything else resembling behavior of the crazy!”

There was quiet. Oz stood beside her, offering her support, yet she could feel the intense talk he was going to give her later. She explained what had happened.

Everyone spoke at once.

Oz quieted them down again while Willow searched for the book she knew had the counter spell.

Oz had to try and forcibly restrain Giles who was shouting about not wanting to lose his new status as Executive.

Willow spoke her words.

There was a flash of lightening and everyone saw her eyes light up.

Xander sat down.

“I’m kinda tired,” he said.

“I’m not,” Anya said.

Spike and Buffy sprung apart as if leprosy was the other option.

Giles looked rather shame-facedly at his new beeper.

“I really don’t even know how to use it.”

Willow dropped to her knees.

“I’m so, so sorry, guys.”

“I’m going home right after I put this thing back in the tub.”

Buffy dragged the scrubbing-his-mouth-out-with-anything-he-could-find Spike back into Giles’ bathroom. She threw one horrified look at Willow and left.

 

***

“I know what you’re going to say.”

“Maybe.”

“I’m so sorry. I just wanted…”

“It can’t be done by magic. Not that kind.”

“But then…”

“Then we have to keep going as we are. I’m doing what I can, but the werewolf part I can’t help. You have to decide if you’re willing to be with me even if I might be one forever. I have to decide how to deal with being one forever.”

“I can’t lose you.”

“Me includes werewolf.”

“I know, I just don’t know.”

“I get that. But I don’t want you to waste your time if this was just your way of saying you can’t handle being with me. If you want to fix me somehow.”

“I do, but isn’t that a good thing?”

“Not everyone’s involved in magic for a reason, Will. Power is a terrible thing and people should go into it lightly. I don’t think you had the best entrance.”

“Maybe not. It was amazing, but I don’t know. Just please, I feel like I can’t even talk to you. I don’t know what you’re thinking. I don’t know what I’m thinking. I don’t know where we’re going. But I feel like if I lose you, I won’t last.”

“You’re strong. You’d change, but you’d last. I’m not going anywhere. But I am here under certain restraints. I’m a werewolf and I gotta figure out what that means.”

“So less fixing, more understanding.”

“Yeah. And talk to me, Will. I don’t always know what to say. I worry about what happened and how you’ll feel about it. But we gotta talk.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I love you.”

“I believe you. And I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. You make me so happy. I’m sorry.”

“I get that. You can stop saying it. Let’s get some sleep.”

Willow settled into his arms. There would be major repair work she would have to do in the morning. Until then, she felt almost as if her center had been put back into place.


	5. Stomach Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by James Houston

Buffy was mad. The way Willow had treated them as her personal playthings grated on her nerves. But the fact that Willow was angry at her for being angry was just stupid. What made matters worse was they couldn’t even talk to each other about it. The side effects of fairy tale monsters stealing everyone’s voices.

It had been scary at first and she’d forgotten to be mad at Willow. But once she’d gotten her Slayer gears going and Giles had explained what was going on, she’d remembered the spell. She recoiled from the feelings of being in love with Spike. But the worst part was that, deep down, she knew that was the happiest she’d been since she’d been Called. Which is not something she would ever admit. Sometimes she wondered if he felt the same way, but it wasn’t something she was going to explore any further.

Not that she wasn’t going out of her way to find him. He’d escaped Giles’ bathroom during the commotion of the after effects of the spell. Now she spent all her free time looking for him. It wasn’t the funnest time. Something else she could blame on Willow. Now she couldn’t even tell Willy what she was beating him up to find out.

And she felt alone in her silence. No one else could speak, but Giles was feeling better because he had figured out the Gentlemen thing and didn’t have to feel bad about not having his job. Xander and Anya had been made closer by the spell. And Oz was going through his monthly wolfing. Willow was staying all night with him in his cage at the crypt. So, the only thing Buffy could do was hunt for the Gentlemen and hope Spike turned up.

***

Willow had never been so frightened in her life. It wasn’t normally that bad staying with Oz in the cemetery, but when she didn’t have a voice and a smiling demon tried to cut out her heart, the fear tended to rise. She didn’t have anything but her tranq gun and she didn’t think it would work on all four things bearing down on her. There was no one to help her unless by some miraculous chance Buffy happened to be tracking these exact demons when there were several other versions all around Sunnydale. And would become un-angry long enough to save her friend. Willow felt a bit miffed about it even though she knew it was her fault.

It pretty much came down to a single choice. Willow opened the cage door and stood back as OzWolf leapt out and started to rip apart the demons attacking her. She only had two shots available to her in the tranq gun but she didn’t hesitate to use one when she saw one of the creepy, smiling mimes was about to cut OzWolf’s throat with a scalpel. It was all the distraction the wolf needed. He tore into the demons and they stood no chance. The other floating mime seemed to know the battle was up and left. Willow stood and braced herself because she knew the moment was coming.

OzWolf finished the last demon and slowly turned towards her, muzzle streaked with blood and gore. An almost grin pulled at the lips and he prepared himself to spring. Willow pulled the trigger.

She watched him fall to the ground and then collapsed herself. She didn’t know how much longer she could take having to restrain her boyfriend from killing her. But there was nothing she could do about it at the moment, so she stood up, wiped away her tears and dragged him back into his cage.

***

Oz woke up feeling like he’d been in a fight. It wasn’t unusual for him to have injured himself during his wolf nights, trying to get out of his cage, but this felt much more intensely painful.

He pulled on his jeans and winced as they chafed against raw skin. Next time he was bringing sweat pants. One would think he would learn, but apparently not.

“Morning.”

Willow’s voice was usually the best thing he heard in the mornings, especially since he hadn’t heard it in a couple of days, but he didn’t like her tone. He turned around and blinked in surprise at the gory corpses on the floor.

“Was that me?”

“Yup, but it was pretty much me or them, so I’m kinda glad it was them.”

“What happened?”

She explained as she let him out of the cage and brought him out of the evil smelling mausoleum. They had breakfast on top of it and it was a beautiful morning.

But Oz didn’t feel beautiful. The sight of what he’d done still hovered in his mind.

“We can clean it up and get Buffy to help. I went down to the payphone across the street from the cemetery once I figured out our voices were back. Buffy won the day, or night, I guess, and now the clean up begins.”

“Will, you gotta explain exactly what happened to me.” Oz didn’t use his voice that often, but it was amazing how good it felt to be able to use it.

“I told you. You killed monsters, I put you to sleep. End of story.”

“But I could’ve killed you.”

“Well, they definitely would’ve. I know how to get rid of you. But smiling mimes? Not so much.”

“I don’t think you should stay with me at night anymore, or at least, not by yourself.”

“Why?”

“I get out all too easily, it seems.”

“I let you out, Oz. There’s a difference.”

“And now I have to deal with the fact that I killed something. Evil something, but something.”

“I’m sorry.” Willow paused for a moment. “I didn’t really think about it like that. I guess I was using you.”

“If it means your life, Will.” Oz put his hand under her chin and turned her head so she looked him in the eyes. “Use me.”

She didn’t say anything, but rested her forehead against his. They stayed that way for several minutes.

“If I didn’t have that really bad fear of public anything to do with my voice, I might start singing,” she said after awhile. “It’s that nice being able to talk.”

He had to smile at that.

“I always like to hear it when I can catch you.”

“Sweet, musically talented and a liar.”

“First and third maybe.”

“We should probably get going.”

“Yeah.”

He helped her up and they packed up their stuff. He looked back into the mausoleum and saw the blood and felt like throwing up. Not just for the sight either.

“It’s okay, Oz. I’m sorry.”

“That could’ve been you,” he said softly. “I could’ve done that to you.”

“You didn’t.”

“I can’t protect you, or anyone. All I can do is destroy and hope that people stop me.”

“You choose to lock yourself up every month. That’s what you can do.”

“I can’t do it anymore. I can’t go into that cage knowing I could hurt someone. How useless was I when the whole town was in trouble?”

“Not useless to me. But we’ve been trying. We’ll keep trying.”

“We’ve gotten nowhere.”

“Let’s, let’s…ask Giles. I know he’s Buffy’s Watcher, but he’s our expert too. We’ve done all we can, let’s try to branch out.”

Oz finally looked at her. Her eyes stared at him, hope and longing written in them. They spoke of a time when he might not have to deal with this horror and they could put everything behind them, the wolf, Xander, Veruca, whatever else would come. He had to take that chance.

“Thank you.”

He took her hand and led her out of the cemetery.


	6. As the Day Lessens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by George Herbert

“I’ll try to help of course. In fact, I’ve been meaning to ask in what way I could assist. It’s hard for you both and well…” Giles trailed off and Willow smothered a grin in Oz’s arm.

“Thank you.” Oz stuck out his hand and Giles gingerly shook it.

“Of course, I’m afraid you’ve caught me at a rather bad time. This Commando thing is quite daunting. We really must focus our efforts. Once we’ve ascertained that it will become more safe for you, Oz, we’ll have more time.”

Willow smothered a frown this time. This was not what she wanted to hear.

“Not too keen on the hunting topic myself.”

And now Oz was helping. Great.

“If only Buffy could locate Spike, we’d have more to go on.”

“Oh, cause we all want Spike back so bad,” Willow grumbled.

“Well, he knows about them and we need more information-“ Giles stopped as the rumbling started.

“It’s an, an earthquake!” Willow shouted unnecessarily.

“Quick, beside the bookcase.” Giles shoved them and they crouched down and waited until the rumbling stopped.

“I guess underneath doorways is out,” Oz commented as he helped Willow to her feet.

“I honestly don’t know why they teach such rubbish,” Giles muttered. “Stand under the heavy part of the house, how sensible. No, you’ve got to get near something tall and when it flattens, it leaves a pocket of protection around it. Safe as houses.”

“Good to know.”

“Children should be beside their desks, not under them. I really must put that on my to-do list. Reform the education system.”

“After Oz’s problem please,” Willow pleaded.

They cleaned up the broken knick-knacks and started into work. Willow was starting to feel like maybe it would be okay. Buffy burst through the door.

“Giles! Earthquake! Bad!”

Willow sighed. Maybe some other time.

***

Buffy was on her second to last cemetery and ready to call it a night. But she couldn’t, not with sacrificing, apocalypse-y demons running around. Oh, and Spike. And Willow and her issues. And classes to study for. And Commandos to find. And moms not being visited.

“Chosen Ones need Chosen helpers,” she muttered.

“Excuse me?”

Buffy spun around, stake at the ready, and then relaxed when she saw it was Riley.

“What are you doing? It’s not safe out here.”

“Trust me; I can take care of myself. Night.”

“I should walk you home.”

“You should not. Don’t worry; go do…whatever it was you were going to do in a cemetery.”

“I was just…walking, um, if you’re sure you’re fine.”

“Fine. Bye.”

Buffy stared after Riley. Something wasn’t right there, but she was too tired to do anything about it. Loud laughter sounded nearby and her eyes narrowed.

Peroxided, British laughter if she was any judge. Once more to the hunt.

 

***

Willow was reaching a vital part of her book. At least she hoped it was vital. Of course that was when the knock sounded at the door. The frantic, I-need-rescuing-from-demons knock.

“Hold on!” she called and put down her book in frustration.

“What’s the matter, Xander?”

“Demons…sacrifice…Giles…unconscious…high school,” he panted.

She got the gist and immediately grabbed her coat.

“Is Buffy there?”

He nodded.

“What about Oz?”

He nodded again.

They didn’t want to be back in the high school, the place that had spawned most of their current neuroses, but demons never seemed to care about such things. They found Buffy flat on her back while another demon jumped into the Hellmouth.

“They are the sacrifices!” Buffy gritted out when she saw their approach, struggling to keep the demon from jumping.

“Get the blood!” Willow shouted to Xander and concentrated on levitating the bag of bones over to a newly arrived Oz.

He grabbed them and took off running. Willow sighed in relief, and then shrieked as the third demon closed on her. Xander shouted to get its attention, waving the blood at it. The demon ignored her and Willow frantically tried to figure out a transfiguration spell in her head. She didn’t know how up she was for the blood-to-water-reverse-miracle just yet.

Crunch. Buffy snapped the neck of her demon and dragged him away from the crack in the ground. She then went to help Xander and Willow relaxed.

Oz appeared at her side.

“You okay?”

“Fine. Where’s the bag?”

“Outside. We can put the bones back where they belong later.”

“One more apocalypse.”

“How many now?”

“Who can remember?”

***

Willow felt happy as she knocked on Giles’ door. Oz was going to come later and they would finally get some help with their problem. Giles opened it and his eyes widened.

“Hello, Willow.”

“Hi, you read-“ Willow cut off her words when she saw Buffy inside clearly in the middle of a rant.

“I’m sorry, Willow, Buffy needed some…assistance and it must have slipped my mind.”

“No problem. I’ll just come back.”

Willow left without even saying goodbye to Buffy. She almost felt like trying a spell again.


	7. Detachment From Self

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by Francois Fenelon

Giles sighed as he wiped off the Commando positions on his board. Buffy didn’t seem interested and hadn’t even shown up for their training. He felt slightly annoyed that she didn’t seem to be taking this problem seriously. He turned back to the notes he’d taken about Oz and gave them another quick study. Something else he was useless at apparently. He certainly knew a lot more about the matter now that he’d known Oz, but he was not an expert and couldn’t help two of his young charges. It frustrated him to no end.

He would send them to Sirjani. That’s all he could do. He would call them and then…do something useful.

***

“Thanks, Giles. Tonight? Okay. We’ll let you know. Bye.”

Willow hung up the phone and turned to Oz.

“Feel up to making a little trip? Giles suggested someone for us to meet. We’ve got an appointment.”

“Road trip.”

“Pack the good tunes.”

***

Giles yawned and stretched, surprised to hear himself. He felt unnecessarily groggy. What had he done last night? He recalled going to the bar, he recalled an unpleasant surprise, being called Ripper and drinking himself into oblivion. Good thing he’d made it home in one piece.

Then he broke his bed. And looked in the mirror. And broke the mirror. And tore off his railing.

He ran off out of the house, grateful that he could at least get into his car and drive it. He closed the door too hard and the window shattered. It was going to be one of those days.

 

***

Oz was nervous about meeting a warlock, even one Giles had recommended. He didn’t want to communicate that worry to Willow and stayed as stoic as possible during the drive out of Sunnydale.

He’d always been good at that.

“Come in.”

The warlock was tall and broad shouldered. He must have stood six feet seven inches with unruly brown hair and somehow indistinguishable eye color.

“Sirjani?”

“Yes, the Giles sent you. I am honored to have you in my home.”

Willow exchanged a look of amusement with Oz.

“The…Giles hoped you could help us.”

“I hope so as well. Please, sit, can I offer you anything?”

Oz wondered what refreshments he would offer. The house was dark and filled with objects that didn’t look to be of Earth origin, or normal Earth origin anyway.

“Some water would be great.”

“Of course.” And water appeared. Sirjani laughed, a deep, rumbling sound, at their faces. “This surprises you? You are an accomplished witch, I believe?”

“Not that accomplished,” Willow stammered.

“Willow’s learning. Very talented.”

“I am sure of this. The Giles did mention it. Now, please tell for me your tale.”

Oz leaned forward.

“I have this cousin…”

***

Giles wandered through the cemetery. He’d been trying to get help all day, but it didn’t work. He didn’t want to tell Buffy and no one else could understand him. Which basically meant Xander.

He grumbled to himself, cursing Ethan Rayne in a blue streak.

“Quite the sophisticated language you’re using there. Not right for a Fyarl.”

Spike. Perfect.

“Go away, Spike. I cannot be bothered with you right now. I’ve too much else on my mind.” Giles didn’t even slow down, knowing Spike wouldn’t understand him anyway.

“Giles?”

“You understand me?”

“Yeah! How the bloody hell did you wind up a Fyarl?”

“Is that what I am?”

“And a beaut too.”

“Don’t start. Listen, am I speaking English?”

“No, Fyarl.”

“You speak it?”

“I have had considerably more time than the rest of you to learn new languages. Might not speak Chinese, but I’ve got several under my belt.”

“Never mind all that. I’ve got to find the man who did this to me.”

“Good luck with that.” Spike started to walk away.

“Wait.” Giles felt sick as he said it, but it was his only choice.

“What? I’ve got evil to do.”

“Help me find him. I can’t go about like this and I don’t want Buffy to see me.”

Spike started to chuckle.

“Does the Watcher need some face saving? Too bad, mate, I ain’t helping you for love or money.”

“Lots of money?”

“Lots?”

“Yes, whatever you need.”

“Too bad, don’t need money. Just sorta take what I like, yeah.”

“Spike, I fed you and kept you.”

“In chains.”

“I could’ve made it worse. No blood, a gag.”

“There was a gag.”

“Buffy did that.”

“Then make her help you.”

“I can’t let her see me like this.”

“I’m bawling for you, really, now sod off before I kill you dead.”

“Spike! I’ll have Buffy stop looking for you.”

Spike stopped in his tracks.

“Now that, I could be interested in. I’d be on my way out of this town if I didn’t want to see vengeance on those commando gits. Can’t have the blonde wonder on my back all the time.”

“I’ll do my best, I promise you.”

“Fine, whatever.” Spike shrugged, as if he’d been bored anyway.

“What now?”

“Find your bloke.”

“Ethan Rayne.”

“The Halloween costume one? Oh, I gotta meet him.”

“This is not an evil networking meeting, Spike. I will crush him!”

“That sounds more like a Fyarl. Let’s go.”

***

Ethan didn’t stand a chance by the time Spike and Giles caught up with him. Spike was a bit disappointed in the cowardly man. Someone who’d come up with that turning people into their costumes thing must be inspired, but clearly only for the planning. But he still had to laugh when Giles was reduced to wearing a rather loud shirt out of the other man’s wardrobe.

“What are you going to do with him?”

“I’m calling the Council.”

Ethan blanched and Spike didn’t blame him.

“Now, Ripper.”

“No mercy, Ethan.”

“Cheers then.” Spike prepared to walk out.

“Spike.”

“What?”

“Thank you.”

“Whatever. Just keep your Slayer off my back.”

“My best, I assure you.”

“Probably not good enough,” Spike muttered, dodging a group of Initiative soldiers on the way back to where he was staying.

***

“But what a fantastic story. How far you have come. How far you have to go.”

“That’s not really encouraging,” Willow said.

Sirjani grinned and leaned forward.

“I do not mean to discourage. What I mean is to praise. This is a hard thing and that is not small.”

“You confuse me,” Oz said.

“I will help you if I can. That is what you should take away from my confusing words.”

“Okay, so what can we do?”

“Let us do some tests. That is a sad face, but do not worry, the tests are for me.” Sirjani closed his eyes and leaned forward, putting one hand on Oz’s shoulder.

Oz shuddered slightly and Willow felt magic stirring in the air. It was very hard for her to wait, but she could feel Sirjani reaching out to her and calming her with his mind even while doing whatever he was doing with Oz. That was amazing power.

“Now,” he said suddenly, opening his eyes and startling them both, “combined with my knowledge and my new discoveries, I know one thing. I cannot help you.”

“What?” Willow had thought for sure he would be able to.

“Now, I do not say completely. I can help with meditation techniques and with the glorious and bloody history of the werewolf. All the lupine community or lack thereof. It will bring you comfort, I believe.”

“So, you can’t cure him?”

Oz looked with some discomfort at Willow and then back to Sirjani.

“Ah, my little friend, you know there is no cure. Do not allow your desperation to cloud your knowledge or give you false hope.”

“But there’s too much…”

“Yes, I know. And I do offer you one way I have heard. In Tibet, there is a monastery where the monks have grown deep in learning. The meditation and skill there is quite extraordinary. They have delved into herb lore and every lore you can imagine. I do not believe there is any hope for a cure, though perhaps that is something that can be more than it seems. Yes, I think so.”

“Tibet, huh? I’ve always wanted to travel.”

“That’s too far,” Willow objected.

Oz turned to her and was silent.

Sirjani hesitated.

“I will help you to know who you are and the best methods of control if that is what you wish.”

“What do we wish?” Oz wondered out loud.


	8. Murmur At Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by Charles Caleb Colton

Buffy snuck through the cemetery with unusual secrecy. She normally didn’t care if vamps heard her coming, but tonight she wasn’t hunting vamps. She’d followed her quarry through quite a large section of Sunnydale and was getting tired. It was time to make a move.

The Commando didn’t stand a chance and Buffy had kicked his taser away before he knew what was happening. A muffled groan came through his mask as she kicked him in the stomach and he stumbled backwards. He caught her arm before it hit and got in a swing of his own before she tripped him onto his back and held her knife to his throat.

“Now,” she said, “before I get testy at having people come into my territory, I’ll give you a chance to explain yourself.”

“Buffy?”

“Riley? I knew you were acting funny the other night!”

“Buffy, what are-“

“Ah ah, my turn.” Buffy ripped his mask off. “Now, tell me about the Initiative and what they’re doing in my town.”

***

Oz made the final turn into the campus and pulled up outside Willow’s dorm. She turned to him as she opened the door.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

“I need to sleep. We both gotta think.”

“Right.” Willow couldn’t help but feel a little hurt. Oz reached for her.

“Stop it, Will. We’re cool, it’s just late. I love you.”

“I know.” Willow kissed him back. “You’re going to meet me at Giles’ tomorrow?”

“I will. With bells on. As much as a guy such as myself doesn’t do bells.”

“I like you anyway.” She kissed him again and headed inside. Oz had wanted to wait on a Tibet decision and she agreed with him. She was more inclined to think they could do something here and she definitely didn’t want him to go so far away. Who knew what would happen? But Sirjani had given them research to give to Giles who could help them here and she was willing to start with that.

***

“You told her what?” Maggie wheeled on the hapless Riley.

“I told her nothing confidential. She already had the intel.”

“But she’s nothing; she’s just a college girl.”

“Not according to what I saw. She said she’s the Slayer.”

“The Slayer? A myth.”

“I can only tell you that, ma’am.”

Maggie’s face grew quiet.

“Dismissed, Finn.” She walked back towards 314. “Now the question becomes what we are to do about it.”

***

Giles headed through the cemetery, thankful that it was daylight. He wasn’t sure where he could find Spike, but at least he didn’t have to worry about other vamps as he tried.

“You’re getting to love this cemetery, aren’t you, Rupes?”

“Spike!” Giles almost shouted as he turned around. He was passing a shady patch next to a couple of crypts.

“You gonna run tell the Slayer where I am since I can’t leave?”

“I doubt that. I’m sure you’ve squatted next to an entrance to the sewers at least.”

“Well, you’re right at that.” Spike lit a cigarette and leaned back against the crypt wall. “Whatcha want?”

“I wanted to…to thank you.”

Spike almost spit the cigarette out.

“Take it back, I don’t want it.”

“Spike, I grow tired of your inability to act like a decent…”

“Human being? Newsflash, Watcher, I'm not human.”

“Point taken,” Giles conceded. “But your behavior has never suggested someone who does things because he is

supposed to. I believe you could be a great asset if you’d only allow yourself.”

“A great asset? Sodding lunatic you are.”

“No, Spike, I’m quite intelligent and observant. If you’d pull your head out of your own arse, you’d see it and stop being such a bloody ponce.”

“Pulling out the big guns now. Well, you can bloody forget it.”

“Just think about it. You know where to find me. Though I have revoked your invite to my house as I’d rather appreciate not being killed in the middle of the night.”

“You wound me. I’d never kill you in your asleep. That’s Angel’s style. It’s more fun when you’re awake.”

“I’m starting to regret this conversation. I’m not suggesting forever friendship; I’d just like to think we could cohabitate in a profitable way for both of us.”

“Cold day in hell.”

“Best put your coat on then.” And Giles walked away. He wasn’t sure why he was so adamant about this. He felt within his deeply honed Watcher’s instinct that this could be a good thing for their lives. As much as it would annoy the hell out of them.

***

Spike slipped into the sewers, throwing his cigarette into the dank water. So, the Watcher wanted an alliance. Well, it had been less horrible the other night than he thought. And he knew for a fact that killing demons was a lot more fun, if less tasty, than killing humans. Maybe he would think about it. Maybe.

***

Buffy had been taking a refreshing walk before patrol. Xander had joined her and they’d laughed and hung out. Normal for a Slayer and her friends who were used to graveyards. Then she’d been attacked, Xander had been knocked out and she was getting angrier by the minute. These weren’t demons she was used to seeing, not that Sunnydale didn’t attract them like moths to flame. The flame being her, of course.

And then Frankenstein had shown up and Buffy had gotten scared. She was alone with only a stake and an unconscious, sometime pizza delivery boy and this monster was stronger than anything she’d faced for a long time. Xander groaned and stirred to awakening.

“Xander, run. And I mean it. I’ll find you, but you’ve got to get out of here.” Buffy wasn’t sure how she’d managed to get all those words out while fighting off the monster.

 

***

Xander slowly pulled himself to his feet. He didn’t like his chances of fighting and he hated to run, but he knew Buffy couldn’t worry about him and fight at the same time. He left, knowing he was going to go straight to Giles and everyone in between.

***

“You care about this boy deeply. That is interesting. Perhaps I should find out what makes him so special.”

“Perhaps you should find out what makes me so special,” Buffy grunted, falling to the ground.

“Thank you. I will.”

“Now that we’re on such good terms, how about telling me who the hell you are?”

“My name is Adam.”

“Not very pleased to meet you.” Buffy gave him a blow to the head that actually made him stumble a bit and she made her getaway as fast as she could. She wasn’t far from the fence of the cemetery and she vaulted over it, landing on an injured leg and wincing. She ran for the relative safety of Giles’.

 

***

Adam watched her go and made his own way home. Maggie met him as he slipped back into 314.

“What are you doing? You were supposed to kill her. Adam, this is not the plan.”

Adam calmly skewered her.

“I have changed the plan, Mother. But I will make you proud.”

***

They were rallying the troops when Buffy burst into the room, limping, bleeding and scared.

It was probably a shock. It wasn’t often that Buffy looked like that. Willow moved instantly to her friend.

“Here, sit down, it’s okay.” Giles ran for the medical kit he kept handy and had been ready to use on Xander.

“What was it?”

“Adam. That’s all I know. Adam. And he’s weird.”

Buffy let herself be treated; feeling her Slayer healing start to work and allowing her anger to build back up.

“Either a new baddie is in town…” Oz let his sentence hang.

“Or the Initiative cooked something up for me,” Buffy said viciously. “And I’m ready to think it’s that one. But research, I guess.”

“Of course. And it’s time for you to be in bed. We need you fit, Buffy. Patrol can go for one night.”

“I’m taking Xander home. He needs rest and I know just how to do it. You can fill us in on any weird Frankenstein creatures when he’s well,” Anya announced and gently supported Xander out.

“Let’s get back home. I can’t show my face to my mother or she’ll freak,” Buffy told Willow.

“I’m staying,” Oz said. “Giles is starting my meditation. Use my van, Will.”

“Won’t you be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. If I need to, I’ll call.”

“Be careful. And good luck.” Willow helped Buffy out and Giles put away the med kit and got out Sirjani’s notes.

***

Oz turned back to Giles, feeling as if he was embarking on the hardest thing he’d ever do in his life. Sirjani had warned him it would be hard, but Oz just didn’t know if he could take disappointing Willow again in case this didn’t work out as well as they hoped.


	9. If Thou Lose Thy Hold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by George Herbert

“I must advise you, Oz, these techniques that Sirjani has prescribed are quite advanced. I’m not sure exactly how it’s going to affect the wolf side of you. It might mean your schedule will change slightly.”

“I could change without the moon?”

“Possibly. This is all new territory, perhaps for the world, not just for us.”

“Guinea pig of the werewolves?”

“Something like that. Congratulations.”

“What I always wanted.”

The phone rang and Giles went to answer it while Oz closed his eyes and concentrated. He’d almost succeeded in sinking within himself when Giles’ raised voice distracted him.

“Gone?”

“What’s the matter?”

“Faith is awake. She’s gone.”

***

Willow had been minding her own business. She was fairly certain she hadn’t pissed anybody off lately, hadn’t done any spells that went wrong. But when she’d gotten up to answer the door, it had flung into her head and she’d woken up only now, with a pounding headache.

“Joining us in the land of the conscious, I see.”

A very familiar voice. Oh, so not a good voice to hear.

“Faith? What happened?”

“I’m exacting revenge. See, I’ve been gestating for awhile now, apparently. It wasn’t so fun waking up, but I’ve made some improvements.”

“Everything that happened was your own fault,” Willow muttered, her head still splitting.

She felt a resounding crack against it and it seemed to split further open.

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. Come on, Willow, where are the magics? That old fighting spirit?”

Willow wished her head would come back together so she could find out too.

***

“Willow’s gone,” Buffy said, obviously not having time to sugarcoat it. “Our dorm room was open and there was blood. Either Adam’s found out where I live or it’s Faith. And this doesn’t seem like Adam’s style. I made the call, but I don’t know how long it will take.”

Oz’s world stopped and Buffy put her hand on his arm.

“I’m sorry, Oz. I thought she’d go after my mom.”

“Let’s find her,” he said evenly.

“I’m already working on a locater spell,” Giles said.

Xander paced up and down the room.

“What if she hurts her? Sorry, not helping. Okay, what if she hurts her? Faith’s crazy, loony, not with the full deck of cards, and definitely fries short of a happy meal.”

“Xander, this won’t help. Buffy will fix it. Calm down.” Anya softened her blunt words with a caressing hand on the arm.

Oz sat silent and struggled to keep calm. Rage that he didn’t normally feel this time of the month swept over him.

“She’s in a video shop downtown,” Giles said finally.

Buffy reappeared.

“Let’s go.”

It was a silent procession that arrived at the video store.

“I’m going to look for a silent way in,” Buffy said. “Stay here. I'll let you know.”

They nodded and Buffy went around the back. Oz closed his eyes and Giles watched him in concern.

“Oz?”

“I can smell her fear,” the werewolf said.

Then he changed. The others gasped and leapt aside as the wolf crashed through the window.

 

***

Faith looked up in surprise, but grinned when she spied the wolf.

“Looks like the faithful dog has learned some new tricks,” she told the anxious Willow. “Let’s see if he knows how to die.”

“Oz, no!” Willow cried out.

Faith was knocked to the ground, bringing her knife into play. Willow’s face filled with horror and then she felt Buffy’s hands untying her.

“Sh, Will. Try to sneak out back, get a tranq gun.”

“I keep one in my purse,” Willow said, motioning with her head slightly. “I guess being all ready to go out pays off when you’re kidnapped.”

Buffy snuck behind the table as quietly as possible. She got the gun and took careful aim, the wrestling pair not even noticing her.

***

The wolf went down and Buffy leapt into action. It was better for her that she was fresh, but Faith was full of un-exacted vengeance.

“It was all so easy, wasn’t it? Just stick me and put me in the hospital. Somebody else’s problem.”

“You know full well I always took responsibility even though you aren’t my problem!”

“I can’t deal with this now, B,” Faith said, knocking Buffy to the other side of the room and making a run for it.

And ran straight into Angel’s arms.

“I think we’ve got a lot to talk about,” he said softly.

Buffy got up.

“Thanks for coming.”

“Of course.”

Faith didn’t know why, but she was relieved.

***

“So, you’re you again,” Willow said after Oz had completed the transformation.

She opened the door and scooted next to him on the blanket. Normally, she gave him privacy, giving him moments to come to himself, but today he needed her. She needed him.

“Did what I think happened happen?”

“Probably, unless there was a clown involved.”

“No clowns, just me with murder.”

“You were a wolf.”

He clung to her.

“I could feel the change. I tried to stop it, but I didn’t know how. Giles said it might happen, but did I just make myself more dangerous?”

“No, you’re going to get better.”

“What if I don’t? What if I just took away the only safety we had? The fact that we knew when I would change?”

“Giles and Sirjani will help. I won’t lose you.”

“I almost lost you,” he murmured, burying his face in her hair.

“You changed for me,” she said.

And that’s all she felt mattered at the moment. The fear he’d ignited, she shoved deep inside. He needed something else now. He needed her faith.


	10. Watcher of the Skies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by John Keats

Xander thought it was slightly weird that, in all the time he and Oz had been fighting the forces of evil together and had been in the same schools, they weren’t better friends. They hadn’t really run in the same circles and then when they had, there was the slight matter of Willow between them. But still, that shouldn’t matter. Maybe it was the simple difference in their personalities.

Still, it didn’t seem like there was anyone else to talk to and Oz was definitely trustworthy.

They were patrolling together, or if they ran into Buffy and she demanded to know what they were up to, they were going on a slushee run. It wasn’t their fault you had to cut through a graveyard to get anywhere in this town.

“So, everything’s good with the recent Faith attacks?” Xander asked awkwardly, wishing he had a better opening.

“Will’s kinda freaked. Me too. But I guess there’s coping.”

“I know what you mean about freaking. There’s certainly freak-age in the Xander household. I mean, Anya, she’s just…so different and this Adam thing has made her clingy and she just sees everything so weird and how on earth can I not lose her?”

“That's a lot of problems wrapped up in one. Not sure how I can help.”

“I know. And you’ve got your own wolf-like problems. Certain redheads and trance magicky stuff.”

“Yup.”

“Am I bothering you with this nervous, jumpy behavior?”

“Isn’t that normal?”

“I thought I was a bit more than.”

“Oh. Didn’t notice.”

“I guess that’s encouraging.”

“Good.”

There was a slight rippling in the air and the two men shivered.

“You know who we should totally talk to this about?” Xander asked.

“Jonathan,” both men said in unison.

***

“Hey, hey, Jonathan!” Xander waved excitedly when the other man turned.

“Hello, Xander. Shall we walk this way together?”

“You’re going to Giles’ too? That’s cool.”

“I have some new information that Buffy should find useful.”

“Stuff about Adam. It’s great that you’re basically in charge of the Initiative and can get her info like that.”

“It has been rather fortunate. But you look like a man with a problem. How about you lay it on me?”

“Really? Gosh, that’s…swell of you. It’s kinda Anya. She’s got human reeducation issues. And I’m not sure I’m what she wants now that she’s human again.”

“That’s the real issue, huh? If you really cared about her demon issues you wouldn’t be with her. It’s about her leaving you.”

“Maybe. But Willow doesn’t seem to like her and Buffy only a little bit more. And it’s like having two worlds and I only want one. It’s less confusing.”

“We all live in multiple worlds, it’s simply the best we can do to integrate them as much as we can. And no matter what your friends feel there’s something in your relationship with Anya that they can never share, nor should they.”

“Well, yeah relationships are kinda private, but we’re all really close.”

“But you’ve committed yourself to Anya. Not the big one, but still, you’re with her. That should say to her and your friends and yourself that she’s the most important to you. Is that something you think is true?”

“I…I don’t…really.”

“You can think about it. But maybe that’s why she seems a bit off to you lately, she may feel that you don’t think that about her and it might make her act out in your relationship.”

“Thanks, Jonathan. You’re the man.”

“Of course.” Jonathan held up his hand and Xander hit it as they turned into Giles’ courtyard.

He felt better, but Xander knew he had a lot of thinking to do.

“Better luck next time, Giles,” Jonathan said as they entered the house and Jonathan made the winning move in their ongoing chess game.

“How did you…? Ah, yes, I see. Well played.”

“I’ve news for Buffy. Is she here?”

“I’m here,” Buffy said, running from the kitchen. “Hi, Jonathan. What’s up?”

“I managed to access some computer files about Adam. Here’s the data.” Jonathan handed it to Willow who grasped it with eager hands. “Adam is virtually indestructible. However, his power source is stored in a uranium core. It’s attached to his spinal column and it might be difficult to retrieve, but now we know a bit more than before.”

“It would have taken me forever to unlock these,” Willow gasped in awe. “You’re really good.”

“Thanks, Willow. I’m sure you would’ve done well. I best get going, I’m singing at the Bronze tonight.”

“I’ll give you a ride over, we’re opening for you.”

“Great. I assume we’ll see the rest of you there.”

Everyone nodded their affirmative, only the greatest of apocalypses could have kept them away and they knew Jonathan would have been first in line for that anyway.

Jonathan and Oz left and Xander retreated to the stairs to think.

***

“Willow seems to have recovered from her experience with Faith. I’m sure it was harrowing for her.”

“Probably amplified by her werewolf boyfriend changing when there’s no moon.”

“Now, why would that make it worse for her?”

“Because I’m dangerous and I could hurt people. Why would she want me around?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“I get that she loves me and we’re together, but that doesn’t seem to stop me from wolfing out. It makes it worse. I wolfed out cause she was afraid.”

“Exactly.”

“It means being around her is dangerous.”

“It means that the wolf wants her safe and you’re the wolf. You’re changing the way wolves behave. She’s helping you. It will be a rough transition, but together you might make it happen.”

“Life is backwards.”

“Very often,” Jonathan chuckled. He opened his car door. “Thanks for the lift, Oz. Just remember, your feelings for Willow are a good thing and them being transferred to the wolf means that you’re closer than you think to being able to control it.”

“Hmmm.” Oz went to unload his equipment with a more than usually solemn face.

 

***

They were all sitting on a blanket outside the dorms. Buffy spotted a familiar figure in the distance and got up. The rest stayed, trying to figure out who exactly did star in the Matrix.

Xander pulled Anya aside and they walked hand in hand.

“I’m going to miss Jonathan. I wonder if that is what it’s like to believe in something. I had ultimate faith in him.”

“I never really thought about it. But yeah, I did too. It’s hard to believe about Jonathan, knowing him as I do, but he did help me with something.”

“What’s that?” Anya asked, beaming at him.

“I just want you to know that you’re important to me. It doesn’t really matter what anybody else says, your demon friends or my human friends or random people off the street. We’re together and you come first.”

“Xander, I think that’s a sweet thing to say. You’re behaving very admirably for a male. You’re my boyfriend and I want to make you happy.”

“You already do, Ahn. You already do.”

***

Willow moved so that she was sitting against Oz’s chest. She and Xander still didn’t want to act couple-y around Buffy, so they tried to refrain when they were all hanging out together. Things hadn’t changed much, except it was Anya instead of Cordelia with her best friend. She supposed it was an improvement. But it wasn’t something that was as important to her as it would have been once.

“Jonathan told me something.”

“Before or after?”

“Before. I told him that it worried us that I was changing out of turn.”

“You worried it would mean you were more dangerous.”

“You thought it too, Will.”

“Maybe,” she admitted.

“It doesn’t hurt to admit it. It’s a worrisome thing. But he said that it might actually be good.”

“How?”

“It means that we’re changing what it means to be a wolf. The meditation is working in a way. Just bumps to work out.”

“I wish the bumps would work themselves out. I don’t want you to have to be the one to do this.”

“I want to. Or we’ll never work.”

“Then it has to,” Willow said fiercely.

“You’re the only thing I want,” he said softly, bending his head to kiss her.

She didn’t say anything, but she still responded.


	11. Tainted by Restraint

“At it again, I see,” Giles said, coming down the stairs, blinking heavily.

It wasn’t uncommon for him to wake up and find young people using his home. He still wasn’t sure how they got inside so easily; he really should look to his home’s defenses.

“I didn’t wake you?”

“No, no. I slept very soundly. But good for you. This obviously means a lot to you.”

“Well, not to be obvious or anything.”

“Quite, well, let me just wake up a little and we’ll get cracking.”

Oz nodded and went back to his practicing. Giles reflected that he spent quite a bit more time training Oz than Buffy these days. She seemed much more bent on searching for Adam than preparing to beat him.

***

Oz stretched and concentrated. He’d always found it easy to maintain a cool exterior, but lately, he’d been feeling a lot more calm on the interior. He was very happy about that. It meant the meditation was working, he wouldn’t be a monster forever, and he could be with the woman he loved. Theoretically.

“Oz, I’ve prepared something I think might be difficult for you. Willow agreed to this earlier and we’ve made all the preparations. I have a tranq gun here and we’ll be very careful, but I’d like to test your ability to control the change.”

“Right, nothing hard then.”

“Right. What I’d like for you to do is concentrate on control while I show you some pictures of Willow in various dangerous situations.”

Oz shuddered at the idea, but agreed. He took some calming breaths and they began. Willow sprawled at the bottom of the stairs, Willow covered in blood, Willow being drunk from, Willow tied up, Willow being chased.

It was pretend, it was obvious it was pretend, but he could feel a snarl rising in his throat. It wasn’t real, he told himself, but he didn’t want to think about Willow being in even pretend dangerous situations. He felt the change start to come, but he fought back, focusing on Giles, on his studies, on the chants. Gradually, the red began to fade and he felt more like himself. Then he was himself and found Giles was congratulating him.

“Excellent. Very well done. You’ve made real progress.”

“I didn’t change.” Saying it out loud was marvelous.

“No, you stopped it.”

“So, I can just do that now.”

“Well, yes, but I must warn you, Oz, this was a trial run. It was faked stimuli and we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves.”

“Yeah, sure.” Oz wasn’t really listening. He just wanted to go tell Willow.

“Fine, go tell her. We’ll work more later.”

So Oz left and Giles got his apartment back.

Oz was almost back to the campus when he smelt blood. Her blood. He froze and began to trace it, trying to keep the rising panic down. There, right on the campus edge, Willow was alone with a demon - Buffy was nowhere around. He had no weapons. Willow cried out in pain, though it was obvious she was working up a spell. But he didn’t see that. He could see nothing but red. The last thing he heard was Willow screaming his name before a bolt of pain shot through his back.

***

Willow burst into Buffy’s classroom, then stopped, remembering things like secrecy.

“Buffy Summers, there’s been an emergency and you’re needed at the office,” she said loudly.

“Buffy, you’re excused to go,” the teacher said.

Buffy had already gathered her things and was at the door.

“What is it? My mom?”

“No, I’m sorry. It’s Oz. I was being attacked and he changed again and there was a squad of Initiative guys. Buffy, they took him.”

“Okay, Will, calm down. Did you tell Giles?”

“No, I came to find you.”

“All right, go to him. I’m going to find Riley and make him help us get in there. Call Xander.”

Willow nodded, feeling a certain sense of relief, even amid her panic. She went to do as instructed.

 

***

Oz woke to pain. And he wished he hadn’t. There was an incredible sense of relief to find himself as a human again. But something had changed. It was like a switch had gone off. He could feel the wolf, just hiding inside, waiting for the right moment. And he wasn’t even sure if he should let it or if he could stop it. Then the pain decided for him.

***

“Spike! Spike!” Giles stood in the graveyard and shouted for all he was worth.

Who knew what he would attract, but he needed to reach the peroxided pest.

“Don’t strain yourself,” came an amused voice from behind him.

The shadows were starting to fall on the graveyard and Spike could come out further than he had last time.

Giles glared at him.

“Right, time to help again.”

“Why?” Spike asked, taking a drag on his cigarette. Giles snatched it out of his hand and ground it out with his heel. “Hey! I should bleed you.”

“Oh, shut up. If you were going to do that, you would have. You like the idea of being useful and you like a better fighting challenge, so stop acting like you’re the evil overlord and help us.”

“Xander fall down the well again?”

“No, Oz has been captured by the Initiative. Now is a prime time for you to get revenge on them by saving someone they captured and possibly getting a little violence in.”

“Go on.”

“No go on. That’s it. Now get your pasty arse into the sewers and meet me at my apartment.”

Giles didn’t wait for a reply. Spike stared after him, non-plussed and seemingly more than a little intrigued.

 

***

“Riley would only tell me where the entrance was. Other than beating him senseless I didn’t know how else to get the information from him. I would, but I don’t think that’s going to work. Teutonic, stupid man.”

Buffy was frustrated. She hated being without a plan, but she didn’t have one and Willow was hanging in the background with a worried expression and Xander was about to make an inappropriate quip. Giles was drawing a diagram from what he could remember that Spike had told them.

“I’d try the back door,” Spike said from the open doorway.

Buffy whirled around, pulling out her stake.

“No, Buffy,” Giles said. “He can help us find Oz.”

“Or kill us all in our sleep.”

“You notice I’m not inviting him in.”

“Which is hardly called for,” Spike said. “If I'm going to help I should be treated as a…oh, no wait, that’s too horrible, I’m not going to say it.”

“As if you could be a Scooby,” Xander hissed.

Willow took a tentative step forward.

“Spike, will you help us find Oz? Buffy won't stake you.”

“Very generous, Red. And I’m not doing this out of fear of the Great Pain in My Ass; I’m doing it for revenge, plain and simple.”

“Right, well, that’s settled,” Giles said. “Let’s get a plan of attack going, shall we?”

 

***

A pair of sweats had been thrown at him by a white coated doctor and Oz had put them on gratefully. The last thing he wanted was to be out of control, experimented on and naked. He felt like a failure, which was laughable considering that’s what he was worried about in the middle of this circumstance. But while he had immense faith in Buffy and the Scoobies, the Initiative was something beyond their experience and now he knew firsthand why. And he felt like he would be there forever.

But then there were sounds of a fight and an unusual grin spread over his face. His emotions had been going up and down these last few days, but despite it all, they – she - was trying to get to him. And if they got out of here he was going to do his best to be positive about everything he did from then on. No more half cocked victories and thinking he was okay. He would defeat this. For her and to make sure he would never be here again.

The last person he expected to see was Spike, but there he was, throwing scientists around and getting a key card to the cell door.

“Happy to see me?” he asked.

“More to see her,” Oz answered, pointing to the redhead ducking under a taser blast.

Xander and Giles were helping her while Buffy fought off the soldiers, who were the more obvious threat.

“Lockdown is imminent,” said the soothing, yet very irritating, computer woman on the loudspeakers.

“We gotta move now,” Buffy gritted out.

Oz was limping, but moving as fast as possible. Xander and Willow supported him while Spike forged a path and Buffy served as rear guard.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could close this place down while were here?” Xander asked.

“While I don’t like them, Adam is my problem right now,” said Buffy, flinging a soldier into the main group.

“Oi, don’t forget about me,” Spike called, laughing.

“Oh, but you’re one of us now,” she said in a sticky, sweet voice.

Spike stopped dead in his tracks and Oz bumped into him. When he glanced up into the vampire's face he was amused to see that it looked like Spike was actually considering the idea and in actually agreeable terms. Buffy urged them all on and they made good their escape.

They took Oz to his room and left him to pull himself together. Willow wouldn’t leave him and he found he had mixed feelings about that. He felt a bit ashamed at himself.

“You’re just learning,” she said, as if reading his mind.

She winced at the bruises on his back as he pulled a shirt on. She was used to him being beat up in the mornings, but this time it wasn’t from being a wolf and he hurried his actions, not wanting to give her anymore pain.

“I’m going to learn more. You know me, excellent tests, low applying. Not anymore.”

“I’ll do it with you. Remember what Jonathan said.”

“I will. But now it has to be a concrete thing. Something we never look back on.”

“Agreed.”

“Will, can you do that with me? Do you even want to?”

“How can you ask me that? Of course I do. Now stop being a martyr and let’s get you cleaned up.”

“Thank you.”

She smiled in response.


	12. Friend Each Lonely One of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by George MacDonald

Buffy dialed the phone for what felt like the hundredth time. Still no answer. Xander was AWOL. She looked over at the other side of the dorm. Spotless and empty. Willow hadn’t been home in four days, she’d counted. Giles was so busy helping Willow he didn't have time for his own Slayer. And now, Buffy was bored, couldn’t find Adam, wasn’t allowed to stake Spike according to Giles, had finished her homework and was friendless.

What else was there in a Slayer’s life?

***

“You’ve been very attentive lately. I approve.”

Xander nuzzled the side of Anya’s neck in response. Every since he’d had that talk with Jonathan, Xander had felt like a new man. Like he had a purpose other than being the Jimmy Olsen of the Scoobies. Anya gave him that purpose. She needed him to help her in the human world and she made him feel like the man he never thought he’d be. And if he didn’t talk to Buffy or Willow then he wouldn’t feel their condemnation of his decisions or their secret shame at having a friend who was useless.

So he ignored the phone this time too.

***

Willow breezed into the dorm room. While she and Oz were furious at work, he had taken the time to point out that she needed new clothes and it would be nice to eat something other than stale chips. She was going to grab some things and make a quick stop at the store. After that, she figured they could order in.

“Hi! You’re home. So, do-“

“Sorry, Buffy, I’m just dropping in. Oz and I are getting a lot of stuff done and I’ve got my eye on a new codex I just picked up from the magic shop. Needed some clothes.” Willow prattled on while she grabbed her things.

“Will, I might need some help.”

“Sure, whatever you need. We don’t want to get in your way and this is really important, you understand.”

“Fine,” Buffy said. “I guess it’s more important.” Willow smiled and started to leave. “See you if I don’t die,” Buffy muttered and dialed again. Again there was no answer, but this time she left a message.

 

***

Spike felt odd, but here he was, knocking on the Watcher’s door. It’s not like he had an invite and could go barging in.

“Spike, hopefully a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you?”

“You want to invite me in or should I just give up the info at the door?”

“The door will do for now. You’re not trustworthy, Spike.”

“Good, glad someone around here still knows that.” He’d been beginning to feel like a pet and he didn’t even know why.

“You’re very evil, now can we get on with it?”

“Sure, got some info on your beastie.”

“Adam?”

“Sure, he’s gathering all the demons and vamps and anything else nasty toward him. Getting ready for something big with the soldiers. Hope he tears them to pieces.”

“Why don’t you join him then?”

“I’m smart enough not to trust Mr. Demon Gatherer. He doesn’t care about anything. Maybe if I needed something bad enough and he could give it to me. But anyway, Blondie’s got her own way of gumming up the works of any baddie’s plans and I intend to back the winning horse. Especially since she doesn’t seem too keen on the man and his stepping on her toes, so to speak.”

“Very astute of you, I’m sure. Is that everything?”

“Adam’s holing up in the Initiative and he’s got plans for the Slayer. He wants her there at the showdown, whatever it will be. Now, I want amnesty for this info, Watcher.”

“I’ve already talked to Buffy. She won’t harm you, if you don’t harm her.”

“We’re like magnets that cancel each other out anyway,” Spike said. “Just don’t expect any heroics from me. I look after myself.”

“That’s only too obvious. Good night.”

Giles shut the door and Spike wandered off, pondering why he didn’t just eat the ponce.

“Thanks, Spike. You’re really helping us, Spike. Sure, we’ll get you anything you want, Spike. Bloody wankers.”

Still, Spike couldn’t shake the thought that helping the Scoobies was a good thing.

***

“I can see why there isn’t an ancient prophecy about the Chosen One and her friends,” Buffy grumbled, preparing to go out on patrol. “I guess this is what it comes down to in the end. After everything we’ve been through, it’s all about their little relationship dramas. Something that I’m a little bit lacking in at the moment.”

She bit her lip. The truth was she was scared. She’d faced the Master and Angelus and the Mayor and Faith and Spike and every other Big Bad who’d come to town, but someone had always been there to help her, maybe not with the actual fighting, she’d always been the one left standing, but before and after her friends were there. Now they weren’t and she didn’t have a clue how to kill Adam.


	13. Fine Sounds Are Floating Wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by John Keats

“The time is opportune,” Adam said, turning to his group of followers. “You will enter the Initiative.” They all rushed to follow his orders and Adam turned back to his screen. “Now I will bring in the Slayer.”

***

Buffy didn’t come home. It was only chance that led Giles to this discovery. He’d had a call from Joyce wondering if he knew what was going on with her daughter who she’d been trying to get a hold of. He, himself, had been feeling neglected by Buffy which led him to go to her dorm room. There was no response and so he called Oz, relying on that being Willow’s location. She reluctantly came home to open the room for him and they’d found it void of Buffy.

“She hasn’t been here for a day,” Oz said, sniffing the air.

“Dog boy’s right,” came the unwelcome voice of Spike from behind them.

“What are you doing here?”

“Followed you. Wanted some action.”

“Try to stay out of the way.” Giles turned back to the room. “So, we shall assume that she’s been…compromised.”

“This is all my fault,” Willow said. “I should’ve called at least. But I was just so…”

“Wrapped up in my problems,” Oz stated flatly.

“They’re our problems,” Willow said fiercely, then turned to Giles. “We have to find her. I’ll do a locator spell right now.”

“Good idea. Let’s call Xander; all the extra eyes will be needed.”

“Night’s falling, Watcher,” Spike reminded, obviously enjoying their distress immensely.

“Thank you, Spike,” Giles said tersely.

They started to scour the campus, but found no signs. Spike volunteered to look through the cemeteries, and Giles let him, wondering if the information could even be trusted, but figuring they didn’t have anything to lose.

“Something’s going down,” Spike said when he got back, leering at an anxious Xander whom Anya was trying to calm down. “Everything’s too quiet and the soldiers have got their hands full, sounds like. Reckon that’s where your bird is.”

“He’s right,” Willow said, resigned. “That’s what my spell says.”

“We need a plan,” Giles said. “We can’t just go in there.”

“Too chicken?” Spike suggested. Giles glared at him.

“We need Buffy. No, we need SuperBuffy,” Xander said. “And why is Dead Boy here again?”

“I’m not quite sure,” Giles replied, taking his glasses off. “But that does give me an idea. Yes, oh dear, yes. It has to work.”

“Something I thought of works? It’s really my day.”

“Give the boy a trophy.”

“I could stake you.”

“Try it,” Spike invited, showing all his teeth.

Xander glared instead.

“Stop it, both of you. Xander, you’re concerned about Buffy, let’s focus on her. Spike, if you’re going to help, then help. Otherwise, go away.”

“Oh, I’m sticking close to the action.”

“Well, let’s get to it then.” Giles led the way.

He would stop by his apartment and grab the necessary supplies and then they were going to the Initiative.

***

Buffy woke up alone. Something she did all too often these days. Make that every day. But that isn’t what made her so upset. What she was angry at was that she’d been captured, dumped into an Initiative cell, and left there for a day. It made her understand Spike just a little bit more and that was obviously unacceptable.

There were demons in the cages all around her and they were obviously waiting for something. It was a little unnerving, but Buffy guessed that she was here at Adam’s wish and command. Something else she didn’t like. The idea of the Slayer being a pawn in a demon game was not in the Slayer handbook, she was sure of that even if she’d never read it.

The saddest thing was she didn’t even know who would miss her first. Willow probably wasn’t coming home anytime soon and even if she did, she wouldn’t miss her.

Then the doors opened and things got really interesting.

***

Oz wondered if he could control himself with so much chaos. Demons and soldiers were ripping each other to shreds and his normal worry for Willow rose beyond what he thought he could handle. But he concentrated on staying alive and it seemed to help. Then there was the first sighting of Buffy and apologies and hugs offered amid the chaos. Only the Scoobies were capable of such a thing and Oz spied Spike rolling his eyes. He also noticed that Spike seemed to be taking down as many soldiers as he was demons, but figured there wasn’t anything he could do about it. That was why Spike had come after all, and Oz didn’t have any love for the soldiers since his own experience in this underground prison.

They all managed to fight their way into an unoccupied room and the plan was laid out to Buffy who agreed to it with her usual soldier’s grace in battle. Oz uneasily took up guard positions with Anya and Spike. Guarding with and against Spike. And he started to worry about Willow more and more.

The spell started and Buffy was gone and the others started speaking words he couldn’t understand. Demons broke into the room and he had to fight and the red started to rise in his eyes and the claws extend on his hands and he fought with every single ounce of control he had. The events of the last year replayed for him in agonizing detail. He could smell Veruca’s scent and feel the rage as she hurt Willow. He felt the overwhelming urge to flee. How could he stay here amidst this blood and not be an animal? How could he not be an animal period? How could he resist the call? How could he stay and hurt her? The conflict went on and on and it was a wonder he stayed alive at all.

But Willow’s face was his constant and he recalled her strength, her awkwardness, her stubbornness, her resistance to his leaving, her willingness to fight for him and with him. His life had truly begun with meeting her. His life would end if he left, if he gave in now. And slowly the feral gleam left his eyes and the hair and claws retracted. He could fight with the cool detachment he normally felt.

And it was over. The others came to themselves in a rush and were left winded and rejoicing with each other. He could sense their renewed closeness and that closed off another worry he’d held about Willow.

And then it wasn’t over because Buffy was back and hugging everyone and urging them to fight and Spike was grinning with bloodied teeth and hands and there were soldiers shouting and Riley leading an evacuation and Willow clutching him in a desperate embrace. He felt the call and knew it would never end, but today…today he was free.


	14. Familiar Notions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by Barbara Brown Taylor

“In our usual post-apocalypse style, I present newly popped popcorn.”

“Joyce show you the button on the microwave?”

“I refuse to be intimidated by you,” Xander said, pinching Willow on his way to sit by Anya.

She simply grinned and reached past Oz to grab the popcorn.

Giles looked up with a subtle smile from where he was bandaging Buffy’s arm. It was slightly hard to accomplish seeing as how she was arguing with Riley on the phone. When she finally hung up, however, it was with a smile.

“They’re shutting down and leaving Sunnydale for good. We showed them who’s capable of handling a Hellmouth.”

“Don’t get cocky, Slayer,” Spike’s voice drawled from the shadows. “You’d have been kibbles and bits yourself if it weren’t for your mates.”

Buffy started when she realized Spike was leaning against the wall and was in her mother’s house. He most definitely did not have an invite after what had happened last year. She must have unconsciously included him when she’d told everyone to come over for the party and was so used to his presence she didn’t even notice a vamp in the house. That was a disturbing thought, but she didn’t want to think about it.

“Something you need?” she asked pointedly.

“Yeah, reassurance. I helped and I’m not changing. What does that mean for you?”

“Giles?”

Buffy turned to her Watcher and she could see the enormous boost in confidence he'd just gotten because she was coming to him. Any worries over him suddenly leaving for England vanished.

“Well, in no way should we start to trust Spike, but as far as truces with us go, he has shown himself to be a man of his word. Perhaps, more alliances can be made in the future.”

A groan resounded from Xander’s corner of the living room but Buffy ignored it. Spike was a pain in the ass, but he could be a useful one and lately she’d noticed he wasn’t wreaking havoc in Sunnydale, but cleaning it up. Provided he was allowed to continue drinking human blood from the hospital, she might be able to convince him to lay off the human diet. And he’d saved her several times in the fight in the Initiative and without realizing it, she’d done the same for him.

“Are you willing to play nice?”

“How nice do you want me to be?” he snarked suggestively.

“Nicer than that,” she returned.

“Have a little fun once in a bloody while,” he said.

“I could if you helped.”

“I might be willing to do that.”

“Do we have a truce then?”

“Temporarily,” he said, sticking out his hand.

She took it and was surprised by how normal his cold hands felt. He smirked and left.

“Can we all move to a place with two Hellmouths?” Xander requested.

“He’d probably follow,” Oz said matter of factly.

“He seems to like us whether he wants to or not,” Anya put in.

“An interesting theory,” Giles mused. “Well, for the moment, we can be glad of his help.”

“I am for one reason,” Buffy said, turning to everyone. “This way I don’t have to keep coming to you guys when you have your own lives to live. I don’t want to put you in danger and I know you want to help, but I’ve really put a stress on you this year and it’s sucked.”

“No, Buffy, it’s our fault,” Willow said. “We were so wrapped up…”

“In stuff that is really important,” Buffy finished. “Your lives are amazing and I want them to be as un-Hellmouth-y as possible.”

“And we want them to be as Buffy as possible, which means Hellmouth-y,” Xander said. “I guess we should all just admit we ran amuck with the priorities this year. Try to help each other.”

“Without risking relationships and lives,” Buffy said, flicking her eyes over to Anya.

Xander saw it and Buffy was glad to see happiness flooding his face. She had been able to show him she understood about Anya and Xander squeezed Anya’s hand tighter. It was going to be all right.

“Sounds good,” Oz said.

“You’ve had it rather the hardest this year,” Giles said. “We’ll all work harder on your problem.”

“Yes,” everyone agreed.

Buffy hoped Oz felt a sense of inclusion. He had always been welcomed in the group, but sometimes it felt like it was only as Willow’s boyfriend. She wanted him to know he was cared about for himself.

“Thanks. We’ve got some talking to do,” he said, motioning to Willow. “But you’ll be the first to know.”

Joyce entered the room and looked at all the serious faces.

“I thought the apocalypse was over.”

Buffy smiled.

“It is. I think movies are in order.”

“Apocalypse Now,” Xander agreed.

***

“Tired, tired is me,” Willow said, falling down on the bed. Oz followed her example. “Doing that spell was big stuff.”

“Not too much?”

“No, it was the right way to do something. I think I’d like to keep things like that.”

“I’m glad.”

“Now you can be caring, sensitive boyfriend all the time.”

“Sure thing.”

“You always are anyway,” she said, leaning in closer.

He brushed some hair behind her ear and told her about his experience while they had been doing the spell.

“Wow! Just wow! You did it. Did we…did we win?”

He had to laugh at her naïve hope.

“Just a battle, Will. The war’s kinda never over.”

“How do you know?”

“I’ve learned a few things. One is that the wolf is always there. Two is that you’re connected to it in a big way. Three is that it won’t ever be tamed fully.”

“I still just want you to be okay.”

“I appreciate that. And you know that if I thought it would be best, I’d leave-“

“No!”

“-but…I can’t. Still, in trying to control it, we’ve unleashed it. Sunnydale can’t help me anymore.”

“So, you want to go to Tibet.”

“I think I have to.”

“Then I’m coming with you.”

“I don’t know how long I’ll be.”

“I don’t care.”

“They’ll miss you.”

“I know and I’ll miss them. But somehow, I think it would be best for me to learn some control too.”

“I hoped you would say that. I wouldn’t have bet on it.”

“Then you need to get to know me more.”

She moved closer and kissed him softly.

“Okay.”

And he smiled a wolfish smile.


End file.
